No winning without losing (part 3)

I still don’t know what caused my depression. Maybe I am just prone to it. Sometimes I am afraid it will come back one day, for whatever reason. Right now I’ve got things under control. I’ve taken control of my life and I have few responsibilities, which makes things easier. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to explain my actions to anyone. I don’t feel the pressure and stress that I felt at home.

I realize I probably won’t be traveling forever and I do have dreams of settling down someday and start a family. I know my life will never be the standard one and I will feel the need to travel often and far. The challenge for me is now to find a balance. Pretty much my whole life before travelling is filled with mist of depression. Although I can’t point out what caused it, I think stress has a profound effect on my mind.

The Netherlands has a very result focused society with a pressure to perform. The stress which comes with this is too much for me. I don’t need to be the best in anything. I just hope I can create a life in which I can do what I love, spend time with people I care about and keep the pressure low. Ultimately it shouldn’t matter what other people think and I am the person who puts the most pressure on myself.

Being away from the environment I grew up in, helps me to do just that. Different cultures have different values. I hope I can learn from others and take things from them to incorporate in my life. While travelling you also have to let go of some control. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what life brings you. I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but I’m acquiring skills that I hope to take to my future life, so I can shape it to a comfortable place where I don’t have to be scared of my past. Travelling is my therapy.


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